Dreams of My Father: Episodes 7 and 8

Last night I had two dreams.  One was on the sofa, and the second was in my bed after I washed up and went back to sleep.  Each was a tour de force.

PART ONE: In my first dream, I dreamt I was asleep on the sofa when all of a sudden a man broke into the house.  For some reason, I was defenseless and he was beating the shit out of me.  I looked up on the table and saw a phone that had enormous numbers.  I could see the 9-1-1, but I could not reach the numbers. 

Then, as if I was given the strength of a thousand men, I started to beat the shit out of the robber, got him on the floor and then dialed 9-1-1.  As a waited for the cops to come, I stepped on the robber so he wouldn’t move.  I heard the police outside, and as I heard them approach, I looked down and the robber had shrunk into the size of a hotdog.  In fact, he looked like a hotdog and I stepped on him so hard that his head popped off.  I woke up and Paul Blart Mall Cop was on the TV.  I don’t normally like firebushes, but the chick in the movie is kind of cute. 

PART TWO: After I washed up and fell back asleep, I dreamt I was in London with the Patriots.  But the place we were staying seemed eerily similar to a Lodge I spent time in during a recent stay in the Poconos mountains.  I was hanging out with the Patriots having fun, when all of the sudden I saw Anna Paquin (a.k.a. Soooookie).  The line between Sookie and Anna was very grey, as I am not sure which version I was talking to. 

I decided it would be a good idea to make Sookie laugh so I saw a couple of the vampire characters across the room (Eric and Vampire Bill) and I made jokes about how they talk in the show.  I think I may have even said “Sookie, you have no idea what I had to do to get to you.”  Anyway, Sookie asks me to go up tot he bedroom and I am not sure what happened, but I looked down and she was gone and my pants were down by my ankles.  I am pretty sure she touched my penis.  I woke up right after.

Dreams of My Father: Episode 6

Last night I had my second dream of the week.  This one was a little more in line with the previous dreams.

Last night I had a wonderful dream.  The dream started out a strip club.  It was a smaller strip club with two or three poles and some uninterested girls dancing. As I looked up to the stage, I had a feeling something was wrong.  Low and behold, when I looked to the left of me, the babymakerette and my three boys were sitting next to me.  This kind of blew my mind, so I decided to go to the bathroom.

When I got into the bathroom, there was a frat-boy looking kid in there drunk as al hell, puking all over himself.  But the puke was not your run of the mill vomit; it looked like he was coughing up flies like big ole Jon Coffey did in the Green Mile.  I knew this kid was effed, and then all of a sudden the babymakerette (a nurse) showed up to save the day.  She put a feeding tube in his nose and it made him much better.  I am not doctor, but my guess is a feeding tube through the nose isn’t a life saving technique.  Before I could see anything more I woke up.

Dreams of my Father: Episode 5

Please note, this dream took place over the weekend.

This past weekend I had another dream.  I dreamt that I had a party and everyone I knew was there.  The upstairs was all of my good friends, while the downstairs was full of people I didn’t really know.  There were trendy guys with skinny jeans and douchy haircuts.  Think Kanye West, but cooler.

I was at the door greeting people as they came in.  All of a sudden there was a huge limo at the end of the driveway. Out of the limo steps Lil’ Wayne and he greats me as if we had known each other for years.  Kind of proud of Lil’ Wayne coming to my party, I go upstairs to show him off to everybody, but when I get up there everyone is asleep.  No one saw Lil’ Wayne.

The Dreams of My Father: Episode 4

It happeend again last night.  I had another of my rare/bizarre dreams.

Last night I dreamt I could remove my penis and balls.  When I looked down there was a hole on my crotch and a plug on the other end, kind of like when you take the leg off a barbie doll. 

I was having fun lifting up the balls/penis and showing it to everyone, and it seemd to weight around 12 pounds.  Then I noticed the plug on the end of my unit was no longer there and I could not put my penis back on.  Boy was I worried.

Then I woke up.

A couple things you never want to see/hear:

1) You flip on the TV to find out the score of the game and the camera pans over to your team’s long snapper and they show his name underneath his face.  99 times out of 100 that means something has gone horribly wrong…

2) You never wanted to be told that you have to give either a DNA sample or have to take a breathalyzer test.   Chances are you done fucked up.

I think Fike Mreni would like this song

It is just me,

or is julia louise dreyfus really really hot for an older chic.  I can’t take my eyes off her…

http://i41.tinypic.com/314b1v6.jpg

 

oh, and one other thing:  If I had a choice of OJ, purple stuff, some soda or Sunny D – I am pretty sure I would definitely go with the purple stuff.  especially if I was high

Twinsies?

I think I need to start watching more football b/c I’m having kids soon. If my twins are boys, they need to know about linebackers.

Ragtime

I still don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

Waldo

I went to a wedding last night and I didn’t know it until we saw the pictures this morning, but, Waldo was there. 

To be honest it kind of freaks me out that Waldo was at the same wedding with me.  There’s something unsettling about hanging out with a guy that wears the same clothes and hat all the time and is always hiding from children.  And apparently Waldo’s date was one of these hippie-types that refuses to cut his hair or beard for the sake of “the movement” or some BS.   I just don’t get it.  But Waldo apparently likes it.  When we were looking through the pictures from last night we also came across this pic of Waldo’s date walking to the bathroom:

He literally has to carry his own beard!  What a jerk.

The rest of the wedding was wonderful.