Manthong

A couple of things:

1)     A gentleman backed his car into my car a couple of weeks ago in a parking lot and caused some significant damage.  I did witness it so I was able to get all of his information which he wrote down on a small scrap of paper.  After getting an estimate on the damage, I proceeded to send him an email today to relay the info.  When I looked on the piece of paper, I noticed that his email address was manthong@bigbank.com.  After my email to him was bounced back to me three times, I finally made the connection that his name is Matt Anthony and that it was much more likely that his email was manthony@bigbank.com and not manthong.   The email went through fine after the correction.   Point of my story is that I really wish Maurice Anthong had sullied my car instead of Matt Anthony.  I bet he would have been awesome.

2)     And that made me think of the worst possible name to have as an employee of Big Bank.  I came up with a top five: 

1. Faye Atpig
2. Carrie Oldsores
3. Steve Mellyfoot
4. Barry Ooplebutt
5. Harry Itler

*** UPDATE: ‘Vidence – tell me that doesn’t say manthong:

nine to eleven

So here’s the plan today:

I just opened a new word document on my computer.  I am going to leave it open for the next two-hour hours.  During that two-hour interval, I am going to type stuff that pops into my head – like bad song lyrics (one of  my co-workers listens to the pop station at a very high decidable level) and overheard conversation and annoying other stuff.  It’ll probably suck, but maybe it’ll be fun…

 

• It is now 9:31.  I guess I’ll delineate (probably wrong use of the word) each item with an asterisk.
• Asterisks are cool.  Word association time: When ever I used to hear/see the word “asterisks,” I used to think of Roger Maris and his 61* homeruns.  Now I think of Barry Bonds and how everyone things they should put an asterisk next to his career home run total.  I assume many other sports fans now associate Bonds with the asterisk, and not Maris.  I wonder if this makes Maris’ family happy?  They probably don’t care that much…
• As an aside, the fact that MLB doesn’t test for HGH is an absolute joke.  That is like telling kids they can’t cheat on test, and checking their hands to see if they have answers written on them, but then allowing them to bring in laptops and use the internet during an exam.  Makes no sense…
• “Do you believe in life after love, after love, after love, after love….”
• Juice (Know the Ledge) by Eric B and Rakim is probably one of my top-35 favorite songs of all time.  And I am not even a big Eric B and Rakim fan.  I know it is kinda of blasphemous to say, but I think they are a bit overrated. 
• I was just going to rank my all-time favorite athletes, but it would be hard to narrow down the list to a manageable number.  I wonder if I would put MJ on there.  I hated him – HATED him – when he killed the Knicks for a decade straight.  But I finally was able to look past the hatred and really appreciate his greatness over his lat couple of seasons.  I was happy I was able to do that.  Jordan was an more than just a basketball player or an entertainer.  He was an artist.  I was lucky to watch #23 in his prime.  I love this quote (from David Halberstam’s ‘Playing For Keeps’) ”Michael Jordan plays basketball better than anyone else in the world does anything else.” 
• I wish I read more.
• The “First Day of Skirts” at HC was mutant.
• “Romeo save me.  You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess.  It’s a love story, baby, just say yes…”
• It is now 9:48.  I should get some work done.
• It’s 10:16 AM and for the record – It bothers me when people don’t use a comma before the “and” in a string/list of items.  For instance “Lions, tigers, and bears.”  That comma before ‘and’ should be there!!!!  Use the comma people.
• Also, I use just the apostrophe to show possession if the name ends is ‘s.’
• “How many times must I break till I shatter… I alwayyyys turn the car around.”
• 10:18 – back to work
• 10:49 – my two-hour window is almost closed.  I feel like there is more I should say, but now I feel pressured.  You know what was the worst – when Napster (remember Napster!! – how cool was that.  It was insane.  Didn’t fully appreciate till it was gone.)  Anyway, I digress.  The worst pressure was when you in front of you computer screen on Napster and knew you want to download a song but the whole day but when you finally got to your computer you couldn’t remember the song.  Used to drive me crazy… 
• Clock is ticking down….  Speak now or forever hold my peace, huh?  Okay, I go stream of consciousness and try to ramble off a few things: LeBron is the most talented professional athlete on the planet… I really like using ellipses.  I probably use them too much?  Is that the sign of a bad writer?… I hope the weather is nice this weekend… The fact that Joe DiMaggio hit in 17-straight games right after his 56-game hitting streak always amazed me.  He hit in 73 out of 74 games.  Are you j/king me?  Also, I think he only stuck out like 15 times in that span…. Is Shawshank Redemption universally recognized as the best movie of the last 50 years?  Who would be the authority to ask about that?  It definitely should be, I’ll say that much… The Onion is really funny… Those guys on ESPN that do those trick shots on the pool tables are really pretty cool.  They don’t get as much respect as they should, methinks… Noah Lowry, dude… 4 minutes left, dude… Oatmeal is pretty good if you put crasins and/or bananas in it… I also used to love the Pastrami sandwiches at Paul’s Deli in Baldwin (extra mustard on a hero)… If the New York Times ever goes out of business, that would be really bad.  I don’t see it ever happening, but the mere fact that is a possibility is a loud statement on the state of the journalism industry and the changing ways in which we consume our news… I order Baked Ziti at restaurants and thoroughly enjoy it.   
• It’s 10:59 am.  Have a good day everybody. 

(Addendum – when I posted this on the site, the asrtericks got replaced by dots.  I have neither the time, knowledge, or patience to change them back to asterisks.  Please for give me…)

the puns drippin’

I don’t really have a strong opinion about puns.  People seem to think they know what they are about.  I’m confused by that or them.  I’m angry about the fact that the internet is already filled with references to the weird obsession that hair salons, in particular, have with puns.   My idea just now was to post something along the lines of:

 “Hey what’s the deal with all these hair salons using puns in their names?  I mean “Shear Satisfaction” and “Hair to Please”?  I mean come on!  You don’t see hot dog stores naming themselves “Bunderful Tonight” or “Relish the Hot”.  Do you?  Dooo you?!!?” 

But I can’t do that now because some other a-hole already wrote a similar post on some dull blog that isn’t even in the same stratosphere as the intense and insightful TOTN.   

I will say that there is a hair place near me called “Here to Please” which is really frustrating because (as far as i understand) that’s not even a pun!   The pun would obviously be “Hair to Please” (google says 4,490 hair salons are already impressing customers with that name, each in their own original way).  But no.  The owners chose “Here to Please”.   They might as well have named it “This is where you get your haircut.”    At least that’s informational.

Document 8

A quick list, off the top of my head, of things I have definitely learned in my life:

1) Cobb salad sounds like it should taste really good, and for that reason I used to order it quite often.  However, it almost always disappoints…

2) Ordering from a diner menu is more difficult than choosing your 401k allocation or deciding on the name of your first-born child

3) Always bring at least two bags with you when you go to walk your dog.

4) If you don’t clean up after you dog, you will step in shizz within 2 months.  That is “dog-doo karma.”  It is an irrefutable fact.  That is not my opinion.  That is science.

5) The Wattamellon Roll from Friendly’s is arguably the best desert mankind ever created.  Also, it reminds of watching Knicks playoff games in the late 90’s in May/June in my old house.

6) I love this exchange from The Office. 

Dwight: “What is Michael Scott’s greatest fear?”

Ryan: “Loneliness…? maybe women.”

Dwight: “Wrong. Michael Scott isn’t afraid of anything. [pause] Also, I would have accepted ‘snakes.’”

7) Seven is my favorite/lucky number.

8) I thought this list would be pretty funny and kind of mutant when I started.  But now I am thinking it might be pretty geeeeeeeeeeey.

 

Okay – I’ll stop here.  If this is lame, I blame it on a case of the Mooondays.

Nobody blogs anymore

Things people do more often than blogging:

ride chuck-wagons

sit for a portrait

pine for a landowner

toil

take shows on the road

That’s why this exists.