Every male on earth has a “List”: A list of the celebrities he would most like to bone. Like the Constitution, and no less important, the List is a living and breathing document, permitting different women to come and go depending on moods and popularity. The List may reflect a man’s innermost desires and tastes, but more importantly, it allows men to talk about and look at pictures of extremely hot women. Based upon the importance of the List in every man’s life, I’ve decided to create a complex algorithm to determine my all-time “A List”. After a great deal of consideration and several hours in the “lab” “masturbating”, what follows is a list of science approved extraordinarily hot women that constitute my “Fave Five” :
No. 5: Category “Bring the Punk” – Katy Perry
Every guy has that side of him that wants the punky girl. The girl in class wearing the pigtails and thick rim glasses sucking suggestively on her lollipop. Everyone knows she does some stuff that those barbie girls haven’t ever even heard of. That’s my number 5, Katy Perry. Luckily, this punk star comes with enormous breasts. Bonus points!
No. 4: Category Exotic – Shakira Shakira
Hips don’t lie. And when it comes to fulfilling the need for something a tad exotic, Shakira’s hips do the trick. No woman to ever exist can move like Shakira, and those moves put her in my top five. The reason she can move like that is because Shakira is a mix of Columbian, Persian, and teardrop of heaven. The combination is lethal, providing her with amazing curves, curly hair, dark skin, and the ability to give me a boner.
No. 3 – The Athlete Meets Boobs – Jessical Biel
Usually, when a guy is in the mood to fantasize about a chick with that hard abtastic athletic body, he has to trade luscious and ample curves to get the athletic washboard stomach and toned arms (I am looking at you Kate Hudson, Jada Pinkett, and Keira Knightley). Conversely, when he wants an ample bosom and legitimate pa-donk-a-donk, he’s got to give away the tight little package to get the curves. Well, on the eighth day, the Lord decided it was ok to give one girl huge tits, an apple ass, rock hard abs, super toned arms, and a pretty face. Thank you Yahweh for Jessica Biel.
No. 2 – The Classic Beauty – Natalie Portman
My List would not be complete without choosing one lady who is truly a lady. Plainly stated, Natalie Portman is the most beautiful woman on earth. Huge eyes, pouty lips, classy elegance, a NYer, Luke Skywalker’s mother, and a perfect tight little body. No one looks better in an evening gown, or in nothing at all. There’s something to be said for girls who know how to look amazing without looking slutty, and that gets Natalie Portman the number two spot on my List. May the Schwartz be with you.
No. 1 – The British Mamvasion – Keeley Hazell
I am pretty sure I don’t need to say anything. Why we erect statues of politicians and not Keeley Hazell I have no idea. But in an effort to make it right, I’ve erected something of my own in her honor right here. Thank you Great Britain.
And with that, there is my Fave Five. I am interested and curious to know where the tastes of my fellow “decent guys” lie, and invite them to post their own Fave Five.
In fact, he looked like a hotdog and I stepped on him so hard that his head popped off. I woke up and Paul Blart Mall Cop was on the TV. I don’t normally like firebushes, but the chick in the movie is kind of cute. 
I was at the door greeting people as they came in. All of a sudden there was a huge limo at the end of the driveway. Out of the limo steps Lil’ Wayne and he greats me as if we had known each other for years. Kind of proud of Lil’ Wayne coming to my party, I go upstairs to show him off to everybody, but when I get up there everyone is asleep. No one saw Lil’ Wayne.
